48 Shorty

Our water heater broke the other day and leaked all over the floor in the crawl space that functions as furnace and storage room. I was waiting for the home warranty company to call me back with a plumber, but meanwhile the water was continuing to leak and I didn't know if there were other problems back there. I wanted to call our friendly neighbor three houses down the street, Milton, a retired HVAC guy and resident home repair expert, but I didn't know his last name and couldn't leave the house because Miles was sleeping. I even tried the reverse-address directory online. We showed up but not him. Finally I decided to do the unthinkable and just make a run for it. Luckily, Milton was outside working on his little tomato patch and came back to the house with me to take a look. I assure you that our house was within eyesight the entire time, although this certainly wouldn't have assuaged my guilt should anything have happened in the 20 seconds I was gone. After wading around in the water for an hour or so looking for the leak (it turns out there were multiple problems), Milton ended up turning off the main water valve to the house.

Soon afterward, I was on hold again with the warranty company when I noticed that Miles, now up and playing in the living room, had gone poop. Normally I change him immediately but I didn't want to lose the call. Eventually I decided I had to change him even though I knew the minute I got his diaper off, the rep would come back on the line. I set the phone on speaker mode while I took off Miles' clothes and discovered that the one day that I have no running water, Miles pooped through his diaper. Naturally, Miles was curious what the big fuss was about down there (I was in hyperactive mode with the wipes because now the poop was everywhere including on the changing pad itself) and kept reaching down to check it out, and then, because he's teething, would put his fingers back in his mouh. My pleas to desist were ignored, so all I could do was grab more wipes with my free hand, the other one holding him by his ankles, and swipe at his fingers before they made a return trip. Right about now the warranty company rep came back on the line. I yelled at the phone to please hold on a second, and just rolled up the entire changing pad cover with all of his clothes and threw it in the garbage.

That night, Jason scooped up the water first with a dustpan and bucket and then with towels. Fortunately all that had been damaged were empty cardboard boxes, sad and soggy reminders of all the stuff we've accumulated since we've moved into this house. Not a bad idea to get rid of them, although of course the actual contents - end table, baby walker, high chair - are still occupying space.

By evening the next day, the entire fiasco was over and we were out $1200 with a new hot water heater, a 48-gallon shorty (our crawl space required a somewhat specialized unit size). I like the name - it sounds cool and makes it seem as though you know what you're talking about even when you clearly don't.